Learn how to use polite English AND how learning polite and diplomatic English can improve your career!
by Kerin. Updated Nov 28th 2022
When you speak English at work, your first priority is probably that people can understand you. That’s a good priority to have!
However, you might also want to sound smooth, confident, professional and kind. So you should definitely make this a priority too. In other words, to be all of these things, you can start by using polite, diplomatic and modern English.
Let’s start with looking at these FAQs:
Why is using polite and diplomatic English important at work?
Using a polite and diplomatic style in English can make the difference between being successful or not.
Have a look at this sentence from a message I received from a student:
“Can you explain why I only have access to 6 courses? I thought I was on the year plan.“
You might be thinking…what’s wrong with it?! The grammar looks correct, the vocabulary is fine …. the meaning is clear… so what’s wrong with it? 🧐
Here’s the thing: it is correct and it is clear. But to a native speaker, it could also sound a bit rude! Since the writer has used a direct form, it comes across as being slightly aggressive.
Perhaps that was the writer’s intention! (See: How to be assertive in English).
However, it is more likely that the writer has no idea that his question could be considered rude. Read on to find out how to make it polite and diplomatic.
Using a polite and diplomatic style in English can make the difference between being successful or not.
It’s not an exaggeration to say that being successful in your professional life can have a lot to do with how others perceive you. And, when you can use this style of language with certain people, you can find that you achieve the result that you are aiming for.
Otherwise, you may risk being rejected or even completely ignored by the person you are addressing.
Be careful because translating doesn’t always work: English has its own way of being polite.
The words, register, tone and expressions that you use in your own language to be polite and kind more often than not do not translate in the same way into English.
That is to say, the language strategies that we use to be polite and diplomatic in English are particular to English – so translating usually doesn’t work.
There are several things you can do to make your English more polite and diplomatic, such as
changing the grammar you are using to make your English ‘softer‘ and using specific words and expressions.
To learn exactly HOW to do this, read the rest of this lesson.
As above. To learn exactly HOW to do this, read the rest of this lesson.
To go deeper into this topic, check out our course: Master polite & diplomatic English to be more professional & improve the way people respond to you
10 ways to be polite and diplomatic in English
- Change the grammar you are using to make your English ‘softer’
- Use certain expressions (e.g Apparently) when you are unsure if information is true or accurate
- Reformulate when you say something that is too strong or direct
- When you have to give bad or unwelcome news, use certain words expressions (e.g Unfortunately)
- Use certain words to make things sound less serious (e.g. slight)
- Use ‘just‘ and ‘sorry‘ to soften
- Replace negative sounding adjectives with ‘NOT’ + ‘Opposite Adjective’
- Replace: “You said” with “I understood”
- Don’t finger point
- Use vague language
Read on to find out HOW!
The language strategies that we use to be polite and diplomatic in English are particular to English.
Therefore, to help you get it right, we’re going to look at the grammar and the vocabulary that will upgrade your English to being polite, kind and diplomatic.
Let’s have a look!
Read the two conversations and pay attention to the tone used in each one.
Which conversation do you prefer, and why?
In the first conversation, the language is direct and clear. However, to a native speaker it may feel COLD and IMPOLITE.
The second conversation has words and phrases that make the language feel more POLITE and DIPLOMATIC: I was wondering if, Actually, That won’t be easy … (the words in bold do this).
We are aware that the exact meaning may not be meaningful or clear to you,
if you are a non-native speaker.
Yet this ‘softening’ of words is really important to English speakers.
Now let’s look at HOW to do it in English:
I said earlier that this phrase style of question came across as a bit rude:
Can you explain why I only have access to 6 courses? I thought I was on the year plan.
So how can we make this question ‘softer’? There are several things we can do in order to make our English more diplomatic, such as change the grammar we use, make indirect questions, use modals, use negatives, use the second conditional … and so on. For example:
Could I ask why I only have access to 6 courses?
I was wondering why I only have access to 6 courses?
I’d appreciate it if you could tell me why I only have access to 6 courses.
Let’s look more closely at the strategies you can use to make your English polite and diplomatic
Strategy 1: change the grammar you are using!
Using the present simple can sometimes come across as rude, a bit too direct and bossy.
By changing the tense, the meaning is still in the present, but the style becomes more diplomatic, softened, more friendly and less direct.
Here’s how to do it:
Present > past
When is deadline? > When did you say the deadline was?
Simple > continuous
I hope you can (join us for the meeting) > I was hoping you could (join us for the meeting)
Past + Continuous (progressive)
I think you can > I was thinking you could
I wonder if I can > I was wondering if I could
Use Indirect questions
I need to know … > Could you tell me …
Make a negative question so that it becomes a suggestion, not an order
It is better to… > Wouldn’t it be better to …
Use the passive to depersonalise the issue
He promised us … > We were promised …
Use the 2nd conditional instead of the 1st
If you can …. I’ll be very grateful > If you could …. I’d be very grateful
Use modals
We can try > We could try …
We will need > We would need / We might need
Strategy 2: Use these words and expressions
When information may not be true, or you are unsure if it is accurate you can use:
- Apparently …
- It seems that …
- As far as I know …
- It would appear that …
Reformulating something that you have said because it was too strong, direct or definitive:
- Or rather,…
- I mean, …
Giving bad news or a refusal
- I’m sorry, but …
- Unfortunately,…
- I’m afraid .. (BrE)
Making things less serious
- A small / a slight > There me be a slight delay
- A bit / slightly > The price is slightly higher
Use ‘just’ and ‘sorry’
- Can I ask you something? > Could I just ask you something?
- I disagree > Sorry, but I don’t really agree
Replace negative sounding adjectives with ‘NOT’ + ‘Opposite Adjective’
- That’s terrible > That’s not great
- I think that’s a bad idea > I don’t think that’s a such good idea
Replace: “You said” with “I understood“
- You said you’d give us a 4% discount > I understood we could have a 4% discount
Don’t finger point
- You don’t understand me > Perhaps I’m not making myself clear.
- You didn’t explain that properly > Sorry, I’m not following
Use vague language
- Have you read my email yet? > Did you have a chance to read that email?
Refine your English and learn polite and diplomatic English
Do you want to know which register to use at work?
Do you always want to be sure that your tone is appropriate when you speak in English?
Do you want to be confident using the correct words and expressions when you write emails?
Ps. If you enjoyed this lesson, check out my other business English and advanced English courses.
I personally prefer polite language because it is less aggressive and I personally feel more comfortable.
Mutual respect is always a good thing when meeting somebody.
I agree Gabriela! Especially in professional situations I find.
It was very good, from now on I will use these strategies.
There is a big difference between the polite language from the direct language. polite language makes you comfortable while speaking.
I’m glad you’ve found it useful Dan
I wonder if I can be helped about this by you , I am writing my university thesis at the English Philology Department, on the topic “Selected Aspects of English Diplomacy” and I badly need some background and enough reading before writing this, do you think you could provide me with some hints and the literature on this ? I would appreciate any.
jurekciechanski@gmail.com
So sorry, I missed out one word in the tittle of my thesis, it should be “Selected Linguistic Aspects of English Diplomacy”.
Hi Jerzy, I’ve sent you an email!
Thank You Kerrin for the reference so much, best regards 🙂
Dear Kerin,
Your posts are a breath of fresh air in the world of English learning. One can easily feel that your dedication and passion for the English language truly shines through your posts. Thank you for sharing such valuable insights and making English learning an enjoyable experience.